In the kink world, there are many “umbrella terms” that encompass a wide range of different activities. For example, “impact play” can mean anything from a hand spanking to a brutal flogging to thwapping somebody with a toy lightsaber, whereas the term “roleplay” incorporates kinks as disparate as medical play, age play, and pretending you’re both robots who just gained sentience and are learning to have robot sex for the first time. (Kinksters sure are imaginative!)
One of those umbrella terms is “orgasm control.” Put simply, it’s the eroticization of taking control of someone else’s (or your own) orgasms, or giving up that control to another person. But that can manifest in many different ways. Let’s talk about some of the most common types of orgasm control in the world of kink.
One of the most basic ways to play with orgasm control is to “require” your partner (consensually, of course) to ask for permission to come before they do so. This puts a lot of power in your hands. From a submissive standpoint, many people enjoy the helplessness they feel when their partner has the authority to grant or deny them orgasms. In some cases there may be certain conditions you have to meet before you’re allowed to come (e.g. you have to give your partner a specific number of orgasms first).
Orgasm denial & chastity
Some people get off on not being allowed to get off! It may sound paradoxical, but it’s true. Orgasm denial usually just means declining to give someone permission to orgasm, so that they end the session feeling unsatisfied (which some people find satisfying in a different way). You can take this idea even further by exploring the world of chastity devices – cages, belts, etc. – if you want the denial to be even more intense and long-lasting. Chastity is a kink you can try either with a willing partner or on your own, provided you have enough willpower to hold off from touching yourself!
To “ruin” an orgasm is to discontinue stimulation at a crucial moment – usually at the “point of no return,” when you know you’re about to orgasm but haven’t quite gotten there yet. When done just right, this results in an essentially pleasureless “orgasm” – you can still feel the characteristic muscle contractions of climax, and will likely still ejaculate if you usually do when you come, but the orgasm won’t feel anywhere near as pleasurable or satisfying as it normally does. Ruining a partner’s orgasms is a good skill to have in your back pocket if you and your partner are drawn to themes like punishment, denial, and (consensual) cruelty in your kink scenes – although, as with everything on this list, you should only do it if you know for a fact that your partner is into it and has agreed to try it with you.
On the other side of the spectrum, sometimes inducing one or more orgasms – rather than denying or ruining them – can be the central focus of a kink scene. You might consider tying your partner down and holding a wand vibrator against their junk until they scream and squirm, for example, or continuing to ride someone after they’ve already come, in an attempt to force another climax out of them. (It's a good idea to use lots of lube for most kinds of forced orgasm play, since there's a risk of chafing.) This type of play can be drastically overstimulating, which some people love and some people hate – so make sure you have a safeword and safe-signal in place before you start!
Have you ever tried orgasm control? What’s your favorite way to play with this kink?