The 5 most important things to know about PEGGING before you have it
Strap-on sex can be an exciting activity for all kinds of people across the gender and sexuality spectrums. It's one of the most intimate ways of using sex toys together, because it allows you to be face-to-face, or at least to feel like the toy is an extension of your body.
Many queer and trans people enjoy having strap-on sex, whether because it alleviates gender dysphoria, plays with power dynamics, or just feels damn good. But lots of straight and cis people love strap-ons too, as the widespread proliferation of the term "pegging" has proven. No matter your anatomy, gender, sexuality, or relationship style, you can find a strap-on setup that'll work for you.
If you're considering trying strap-on sex for the first time, here are 5 things you absolutely must know before you do. (And by the way – a strap-on would pair brilliantly with the kinky toys in our sex boxes!)
1. Your choice of harness can affect your pleasure
There are many different styles of harness on the market, from strappy leather creations to simple briefs. Deciding on your ideal harness can be a deeply personal process, because you want to look and feel sexy in it just as much as you want it to function well for sex.
When shopping for a harness, it's a good idea to look for one that'll bring you pleasure both aesthetically and physically. Some harnesses have a little pocket into which you can slip a bullet vibrator, for example, while some have a single strap that goes between your legs to rub against your clit during strap-on play.
If you'd like to wear a butt plug or keep a dildo inside you while you wear your strap-on, for some extra stimulation, then you may need a harness that exerts enough pressure to hold it in place – or you could just wear underwear under your harness to get the same effect.
2. It's best to choose the dildo together
The dildo you choose for your first forays into strap-on sex should be one that both the penetrating partner and the receptive partner can enjoy. The giver needs to feel confident and hot when wielding their phallus of choice, while the receiver needs the dildo to suit their preferences in terms of shape, size, texture, and so on.
Remember, by the way, that bigger is not always better! While there's a popular perception in our culture that huge penises are the most pleasurable ones, that just isn't the case for everybody. Ask your partner what they'd prefer, rather than making assumptions.
3. Lube, lube, and more lube!
A great water-based lube is non-negotiable for strap-on play. Dildos don't self-lubricate like human genitals do, and they tend to be made of materials with more "surface drag" than skin, so lube becomes extra-important.
This is true whether you're using the strap-on for vaginal sex or anal sex, by the way. More lube just makes things better!
4. Go slow and pay attention
Since you obviously can't directly feel the sensations being transmitted through your dildo, you'll have to rely on cues from your partner to guide you. Always go slow on the initial insertion, and watch your partner's face or listen to their sounds to get a sense for when you're hitting a good spot and when you're, say, smashing into their cervix.
It's always okay to ask whether your partner wants you to change anything you're doing. Often, in the throes of passion, you'll get a more useful response if you ask a clear "this-or-that" question (such as "Should I go faster, or slower?") rather than a more open-ended or vague question.
5. Anyone can wear one
Yep. Even if you have a flesh-and-blood penis, you can still strap on a silicone one. Some harnesses are made specifically for this purpose, and some (especially "briefs-style" harnesses) are just so stretchy that they can accommodate your equipment with ease.
Why would someone want to wear a strap-on if they have a penis? Many possible reasons! It can be a workaround for erectile difficulties or premature ejaculation. It allows for more variety in terms of dildo shapes, sizes, and textures. It may enable you to focus more on your partner's pleasure than your own, so you can remain present and feel more connected to them. Whatever the reason, it can be super fun!
What do you wish you'd known about strap-on sex before trying it?
