How to do kink by yourself

Kink and BDSM are often represented as partnered pursuits, or even as something you might participate in at an orgy or play party with several other people. But is it possible to do kink on your own?

The answer is a resounding yes! But it is critical that you do so safely. Read on for some solo kink ideas, and guidance on how to explore one-person kink scenes without harming yourself.

What kinds of kinks can you try on your own?

Sadomasochism is one of the easiest kinks to explore solo, especially if you have implements at your disposal, such as a paddle or some nipple clamps. Try spanking yourself, or wearing nipple clamps while you use a vibrator on yourself. You can also add a little painful excitement to a masturbation session by simply scratching or biting your skin.

You can also do solo "roleplay" of sorts by simply imagining yourself in various kinky scenarios and doing your best to replicate any sensations involved. For example, if you have a thing for medical play, perhaps you could give yourself a breast exam while imagining your hands are those of an attractive nurse or doctor. Or if your teacher/student fantasies are running wild, you could give yourself a stern "punishment" with a wooden ruler.

Solo kink can also look more like one person "being their own dominant," such as by rewarding themselves with an orgasm if they manage to meet a particular work deadline, or denying themselves self-pleasure until they finish cleaning their home.

How can you mitigate the safety concerns of solo kink?

You should never do any kink act alone that would incapacitate you if anything were to go awry – so no breath play or choking, no cutting of skin, no taking of dangerous drugs, and so on. It is imperative that you be able to call for help if anything goes wrong. To that end, you should also keep a (charged and functioning) phone nearby when you do solo kink.

It's also best to avoid putting yourself into any bondage that would be difficult or impossible to get out of in a hurry. If you use bondage cuffs, for example, you could cuff only one arm to the bed while leaving the other one free. Or if you prefer rope bondage, you could focus on ties that create a general feeling of pressure and constriction without actually rendering you unable to free yourself, like chest harnesses or leg ties. Always keep a pair of safety shears within reach in case of emergency.

If you have a history of depression and/or self-harm, you may want to discuss your solo kink plans ahead of time with a doctor or therapist to figure out how to make them as emotionally safe for you as possible. Or you may want to avoid solo kink altogether, if doing it feels too reminiscent of self-harm for you.

What else do you need to know about solo kink?

While you might already be aware of the importance of aftercare when getting kinky with a partner, this practice is equally important when it's only you that you're playing with. Aftercare is the process by which you bridge the gap between the physical and emotional extremes of kink and the return to "real life" when a kink scene has ended.

It might involve physical things, like rebalancing your electrolytes and hydration level by sipping a sports drink, re-normalizing your blood sugar by munching a snack, or getting under a blanket if you feel cold from the intensity of the scene. It might also involve emotional things, such as processing the scene you've just done by journaling about it, texting or calling a friend for some uplifting companionship, or saying some positive affirmations to yourself in the mirror. Figure out what aftercare activities work best for you, and try to have any supplies required for them on hand before you start a scene.

Finally, be aware that – as with masturbation – solo kink does not have to stop when and if you get into a relationship! Your connection to yourself and to your own kinks is yours and yours alone, and if solo kink is important to you, you can absolutely continue to do it regardless of your relationship status.

Have you ever done any kinky stuff by yourself? What did you think of it?